Public Catholic Owns Up That Church Moral Teaching Is Wrong

Washington, DC: A politician, whose handler begged he/she not be named due to illness, has in his/her own words, "owned up."

"Easter was so--so freeing, it felt like the perfect time to be completely honest: I don't agree with a whit of it.  Natural family planning, the pro-life movement, marriage defined as an exclusive union between a man and a woman.  It's all wrong.  Yeah, so is male-exclusive ordination.  Wow, do I feel so much more myself in saying that out loud," said the politician, smiling.

"The thing is, I like the focus on the poor.  I know the Church does great outreach.  I do believe the Apostles Creed.  And I don't want to hurt my grandma by leaving, and my constituents like their elected official to have some church affiliation.  So I've muddled through.  But I tell you. its been tough.  If it weren't for the religious priests and sisters and other folks on facebook who clearly agree with me, or are at least willing to support my conscience, I don't know what I'd do.  Rethink my position, I guess," he/she said, laughing hysterically.

When asked why not join a different Christian church, given there are communions which embrace the creed, social justice, and abortion, he/she said "I don't think that would be good for my spiritual growth.  I was born to be a prophet, a mover and shaker.  That's why the people of my district elected me.  I accept the difficulties of my position.  But man, I wish the Church would wake up and listen to me already.  I mean, its getting old.  And I love this honesty bit.... I could get used to this."  At this point, the handler physically pulled him/her away.

The politician's name may be revealed after hospitalization for exhaustion.  In the meantime, another Catholic public figure has scheduled a press conference to announce he actually thinks the Church's concern for the poor is inconvenient, misguided, and just evil to law-abiding people of means.

--I.C.