The Ironic Catholic's Top Ten "Top Ten" Lists for 2014

Hasta la vista, 2014!  It's been great!  Long!  Yearsome!  And, it's almost over.  My bloggerly friends have been posting their "Top Ten" lists...Top Ten Books, Occasions for Sitting Down, Facebook Flame Wars, etc....  Here at the Ironic Catholic, we have tried to provide the Top Ten Everything Else Catholic.  We dig the scoops for you, dear reader.  Enjoy.  And Happy New Year!

1. The Top Ten Books Written By Matthew Levering In 2014 (Look, the man's theological writing is excellent. And, uh, profuse.  I think he's gunning for Thomas Aquinas.  Don't mind me that I wrote and published a single theological tome in three years.  I am happy, I tell you happy, for him.  Anyway, pick any ten.)

Fr. Barron, get cracking on that review!

2. The Top (Or Only) Ten Movies Not Commented On By Fr. Robert Barron In 2014 (Hint: One is the Penguins of Madagascar.  But he still has 24 hours to note that "Private" is a Christ figure for the Postmodern Age, darn it.)

3. The Top Ten Catholic Media Post-Mortems For The End Of The Colbert Report (I wrote them out but the tears smudged my writing and I can't bear to go through that again and I just don't want to talk about it, OK?)

4. The Top Ten MSM News Stories That Got Pope Francis' Words Right.  (Oops, sorry, there aren't ten.  In fact, we're having a hard time finding one. So will you stop reading them already?)



It's on the internet, so this really happened. No it didn't, you schmuck.

5. The Top Ten News Stories That Seemed Like A Big Deal And MAYBE The Coming Of The Apocalypse But So Far Not THAT Bad. (What?!  You want me up all night doing this post?  Could you just insert any news story?  Especially if you heard about it primarily through facebook or Twitter? But... cough cough cough ebola-in-the-usa cough cough cough)

Accurate Synod News?  I've got nuttin'.

6.  The Top Ten Helpful News Articles On The Synod on the Family Meeting.  (Once again, we have no quorum for this.  There were a couple, but most coverage was the journalistic equivalent of hyperventilating on helium. Go back and read those articles in a Mickey Mouse voice.  There, don't you feel better?)

7.  The Top (Well, Again, Only) Ten People Left in New York City Not Profiled On Humans of New York.  (Next year: Humans of Syracuse.  I'm not terribly hopeful.)

8.  The Top Ten Catholic World Cup Miracles/Prayers/Liturgical Caxirolas/Jokes.  (Again, I'm wondering why I have to do all the work here.  I mean the event was in BRAZIL, which is practically more Catholic than Italy.  And you know you're looking up caxirolas now.)

9.  The Top Ten Catholic Buzzfeed Clickbait!  You Won't BELIEVE #6!  (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

10.  The Top Ten Satires Eye of the Tiber Missed.  (Nah, I think they've gotten them all. Kudos!)

Merry Christmas, everyone, or as some say...

(The Christmas spirit--it's everywhere!)

A Blessed Christmas to everyone!

The Cost of Discipleship? A Bargain at $16!

Hat tip to my friend Kelly Johnson, through facebook, who wisely noted "Well, it may be cheap, but it still isn't free."

Meet budget! Sweat less! and more traditional music to boot

There is talk of an accordianitioner, but outside Polish Catholic circles, it hasn't quite caught on.

(I'm holding out for bagpipes.)

"You and your disciples eat with sinners and go into supermarkets"

But don't try it on a math test

Truly, He Sees All Things

"I once was lost but now am found...."

(Hat tip to Brandon Vogt.)

Donut Philosophy and Theology

After mass fellowship will never look the same.  Got this from facebook, happy to give credit to whomever first snapped this....

Of course, we can add on!

• Pope Francis: Donuts bring joy.  Let us share the donut.
• Pope Benedict XVI:  I'm finishing my donut early.
• Pope John Paul II: Let us begin our pontificate with audiences on the Theology of the Donut.
• Flannery O'Connor: That donut was destroyed by a one legged spitoon of a man named "Glory."
• Rahner: We must authenticate the donut.
• von Balthasar: May we hope that all eat donuts?
• Fr. Barron: Let me explain the historical deliciousness of the donut.  With video.  And books behind my back.
• Matthew Kelly: Obtain the best version of the donut you can find.
• Fulton Sheen: Life is worth living. So have a donut.
• St. John of the Cross: In lent, we often choose to embrace the dark night of the donutless.
• Augustine:  Lady Continence than offered me a donut, and it was holey and good.
• Thomas Aquinas: After consuming the donut, all I have written is straw.

Anyone else?

Pesky pray-ers.

Word.

"The Shepherd Must Smell Like The Sheep"

Pope Francis's words, and give the man kudos--he is taking them literally--

Lamb: Why is everyone amused here?  Can I get back on the ground?  Now?

Thanksgivukkah, the series: Part 1

 

And remember, friends don't let friends shop on Thanksgivukkah.

 

The Only Caption That Makes Sense

From Calah Alexander's Barefoot and Pregnant post, Sentimental Claptrap, Part II.  (BTW if you're not reading her, you should.  She's a real treat as a writer...who else could give a post a title like "At least I'm not posting about homicidal llamas").

The Only Plausible Explanation

(Walking's OK though.)

Found on facebook via one of the other blogging MWC alums, Christie Martin.

Seriously? Just pick up a phone? Who knew?

But is it long distance? Do I have to pay roaming charges?

New Evangelization FAIL #4

 

I suppose there is the rear view mirror....

The Apocalypse Approacheth, Again: Have Icons, Will Travel

Some see their signs in off cuff Papal remarks, dancing bishops,and questions about the purity of Catholic charities.  Huh. 

I see my sign of the apocalypse in this:

 

AUUUGGGGHHHHHHH! 

Do your penance now, people.

Hat tip to Owen Swaim on facebook.

The Statue Martyr's Garden, A True Story

(May 2013.)

Our garden's St. Francis statue, long in years, lost its head in a toddler incident.

We had a moment of existential puzzlement and grieving (plus creative head placement, above).  

Then a friend mentioned we now have a St. John the Baptist statue!

So this summer, we have "the blood of the statue martyrs is the seed of the garden" statue.

(Sorry.  But the garden has picked up quite a bit since that incident.)

Theologically Unfortunate Ad Placement

 

The incarnation: I'm lovin' it.

HT Artur Sebastian Rosman.

"Brother Wind"

From News.va .

Caption Contest #118

HT to Sherry Antonetti.

Caption away in the comments box.