Pope Emeritus Shows Up In Ikea Looking For A Chair of Retirement

Staten Island: After the drama of abdicating the Petrine ministry for the first time in 600 years, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI was seen at the Staten Island Ikea looking for "one good solid chair."

"I brought the cat and swept out the apartment, but I forgot I needed a great big chair," admitted the frail man in lightly accented English.  "It's true I am retiring to a life of prayer, but I do not think God will begrudge me a place to sit down.  And the Chair of Peter must remain vacant until the new Pope is elected.  So I was thinking, maybe a La-Z-Boy.  I hear they fold back and are very comfy."

Lutheran.

As he was escorted in a golf cart (quickly dubbed the "Pope Emeritus-Mobile") around Ikea, store manager Steven Millton explained that they didn't carry La-Z-Boys but he would be happy to donate a futon of his choice.  At that moment, The Pope Emeritus spotted a lounge chair, and asked if he could sit in it.  "Definitely more comfortable," he was heard to say.  "It's a shame everything here looks so...how do I put this delicately?...Lutheran.  But I like the padding."

According to store employees, the manager drove the Pope through the wall art for sale and the Pope Emeritus smiled.  "The view will never be as good in any other chair," he was heard to admit.  "Michelangelo framed prints just are not the same.  I don't mean to offend you, my son; the 'abstract neon triangles of life' screenprint over here is very, very...geometric.  It's just that I prefer art.  Ah well.  My sight is on eternity now."

All in all, the Pope Emeritus appeared tired, but in good spirits, said Millton.  "He seemed to enjoy the Swedish meatballs, and said they tasted somewhat German," he reported.  "And I gave him directions to the La-Z-Boy outlet in Wykoff.  The man has earned his earthly rest, and I only want him to be happy," he said.

I.C.